Midna Vs Illia
by ForevermoreNevermore
Summary: In an all-out, no-holds-bar smackdown, who would win their prize, Midna or Illia? It's a true catfight, folks, so I wouldn't stick my arm in it if I were you.


_No offense to the people who think Illia and Link make a good couple, but I don't. I think him and Midna should have ended up together, so I almost cried at the end of the game. Anyway, I hope you like it._

_Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess._

Actually, to tell you the truth… Midna wasn't a devilish little imp. She was a devilish little lovestruck imp.

"Hey Link… isn't the view pretty?" Midna asked the green-clad boy beside him. Link turned his head to look her in the eye with his blue ones and smiled.

"Duh, it's Lake Hylia, what did you expect?" he asked, once again turning to look at the rising sun. Midna smiled as warmly as she could and leaned against his shoulder.

"Link!" came a girly voice. Link whipped around to meet the voice. Midna, who was surprised, fell to the ground.

"Illia!" Link said happily, running to greet his friend. They embraced warmly and Midna shot fiery glares at the girl. Illia, over Link's shoulder, glared back and hugged him even tighter.

"Hey Link, guess what!" Illia said, all traces of malice gone. Link cocked his head like the curious little dog that only Midna knew he was. _Stick that in your arm and suck it, you little bloodsucking leech,_ Midna seethed in her twisted little mind.

"What is it?" Link inquired. Illia jumped up and down happily.

"I've remembered some new things!" she squeed like a happy little girl.

"What?"

"I remember when me and you were little… and we used to swim in the small lake back home," she said, batting her eyelids. Link put a finger to his chin and thought.

"Oh yeah… I remember. You used to try and drown me," he reminisced. Midna smiled one of her one-toothed grins and floated back up into the air. Illia seemed to have lost her composure for a moment, but then quickly regained it and wrapped her arm in his and began dragging him off.

"Where are we going?" Link asked. Illia flashed him a smile.

"I seem to have forgotten how to swim so I thought a big, strong swimmer like you could reteach me," she whispered. "I just need to go and buy a bikini first."

"A-a-a-… b-bikini?" Link stuttered like a teakettle, his face boiling red. Midna had as much of this as she could take. She floated up to Link and landed on his shoulder.

"Link shouldn't we get going?" Midna asked, placing her hand on his face. Link looked at his impy friend and smiled.

"Sure, we need to get the mirror shard, don't we?" he asked, stopping in his tracks and making the little blonde fall forward. Midna shook her head happily at her small victory.

"Yes, we do," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him in the other direction.

"Wait, aren't you going to teach me how to swim?" Illia whined, waving her arms in the air.

"Sorry Illia, it'll have to wait until later. I need to help Midna right now," Link called back. There was the sound of running footsteps and Midna turned to see Illia running towards them. The Twilight being pulled harder on Link's sleeve, making him stumble and trip. He hadn't noticed his friend running after them, yet.

"What are we running away from?" he asked dumbly. Midna pulled harder.

"Hormones."

-After gaining the last mirror shard-

"I guess that wasn't too hard," Link mumbled, scratching the back of his head. Midna groaned and held her head.

"Don't talk too loud… my ears hurt from popping too much," Midna complained. Link shot his friend a grin.

"What? You mean like this?" Link shouted. Midna pushed in on her ears and hissed.

"I've half a mind to turn you into a dog and LEAVE you like that!" Midna barked, placing a finger threateningly on the tip of Link's nose. He raised his hands in defense.

"Sorry, sorry," he put on a pout. "Does the grumpy little imp need a hug?" he asked, overly… cute. Midna glared at him for a moment, and then caved.

"Oh fine," she sighed and hugged him. They would have stood (and floated) like that for a couple more seconds, IF they hadn't been interrupted by a memory-problemed friend.

"Ooooooohhhhh Liiiiiiiink!" Illia caterwauled. Link and Midna turned to see the blond standing there in a bikini. Link's eyes opened wide as he stared.

"Be careful, you're starting to drool," Midna said sarcastically. Link didn't pay her any attention, though, and walked over to his friend.

"Wow, you look great!" he marveled. Illia, who apparently loved the attention, tackled Link into the lake.

"Aaah!" Link squeaked. Illia splashed him with water.

"What's wrong, Link? Afraid to get wet?" the blonde giggled. Link gave her a playful grin.

"You would be too, if you would have seen that Twilight Mass that's down there!" he said, pointing towards the water temple. He perked up and looked at Midna.

"Wanna' join us?" Midna smiled down playfully at him.

"Na," Midna dismissed the offer with a wave of her hand and shuddered as she remembered the eel incident.

"Oh, is the little munchkin afraid of the water?" Illia asked, sarcastically rolling her eyes. Midna clenched her fists and glared at the floating blonde.

"Oh, don't be that way!" Link scowled at Illia. "I just forgot what happened," he shrugged. Illia groaned and floated up next to him.

"Anyway, why don't you teach me how to swim?" she asked hopefully. Link nodded and proceeded with teaching his friend how to swim. Midna sat on the bank and glowered at the two in the water. Suddenly, she had an idea. After a moment of silent evil thinking, she snapped her fingers and there was a shadow in the water.

"Link, what was that?" Illia asked, feeling the waves grow in height. Link looked down and saw the shadow.

"I-it's another Twilight Mass!" he squeaked and jumped out of lake. Illia looked down and then up at Link.

"Link?" she said. Link ran up to Midna and hid behind her. Illia opened her mouth, but was instead swallowed by another open mouth… the masses'.

"I wanna' go now!" Link squeaked. Midna smiled, snapped her fingers to turn him into a dog, and smiled. _That's two for me… zero for Illia._

-In-between end of game and final battle-

"Oh Link, I'm glad you're okay!" Illia said, grabbing him and giving him a hug. Link didn't hug back, and a hand was placed around his neck from behind.

"Link, I think it's about time we go now," came a foxy voice. Illia turned to see a tall girl standing behind Link, wearing a dress. Link blushed and looked up at the girl.

"OK Midna," he said, smiling. Illia's mouth opened wide in shock.

"THAT'S the munchkin?" she asked incredulously. Midna took her arm off Link and stood to full height (which was a lot taller than Illia) and smiled.

"Yes, I'm the munchkin," Midna joked. Illia swallowed and looked at Link.

"So, now that you've helped her, you can come back with me… right?" Illia asked hopefully. Link smiled, shared a look with Midna, and then looked back at Illia.

"Actually, I can't."

"Why not?" Illia asked, fake tears flying into her eyes.

"Because, I'm going with Midna!" Link answered happily. Illia looked as if she could kill and Midna looked like she had won a million rupees.

"You're going with that… that… witch?" Illia screeched. Midna glared at the little girl.

"It would be better than going with a tramp," Midna snorted. Illia stared daggers at the ex-imp.

"So, what happen… you get implants?" Illia asked sarcastically.

"No, I just decided I was tired of floating around," Midna said dismissivley.

"For all I could care, you could fly to the moon and DIE!" Illia screeched. Midna put a hand on her hip and held her hand like she was going to snap.

"Don't tempt me, it sounds like the perfect fate for you," Midna threatened. Illia drew back as if to spring, but was stopped by Link.

"Stop it! I made my decision and I'm going with Midna!" Link said as the final words. Illia gave a pout as her crush walked over to the now-transformed Midna and walked away… arm in arm and hand in hand. Midna looked over her shoulder at Illia and grinned. _That's all for me and none for you._


End file.
